I've been communicating with this bloke online, and it gets intense at times. We talk about what we want out of a relationship, what our expectations are, what we envision of the future with someone. But, holy crap, I'm OLD - although I have to admit, I am feeling less so since I started communicating with him.
It is scary, though, communicating with someone that you really don't know - it's taking a huge leap of faith - on both sides. I mean, he doesn't know me either.
So, how fast do you let it go? How quickly do you proceed? He seems more romantic, and it is quick. Is it my cautious nature kicking in, or is it just his nature? I mean, at our age, we could be dead tomorrow :)
So, does one just go with the flow and have some fun? He doesn't even live in the same city - and that could be a good thing right now. After all, still working on those extra pounds - - - doing well though.
But, I guess I'm wondering - - - - is it silly? I don't have the stamina or the body I used to have. I have tons of wrinkles, drooping parts, hair popping out in inappropriate places - - - - he's the same age, but men age differently. So, it is silly to be this age and have hope for romance?
After 10 years of being alone, all of a sudden I have hope for a better future than has been presented to me after Alan died. And that is what scares me the most - hope.
When you lose someone who was your world, and lose them extremely suddenly - - - - after the dust settles and the mist clears, you realize that this is it. I'll be alone for the rest of my years. But then, something happens and you start to have hope again. That's what is bothering me, I guess. To have hope for a future again, and to go through that pain again if it doesn't work out. I barely survived the first time.
Hope is scary - taking that leap of faith is scary - - - - - - but even more scary is not taking that chance.
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